Heaven is when you have a British salary, an American home, Chinese
food, a German car and a South African wife.

Hell is when you have an American car, a British wife, a Chinese home,
German food and a South African salary.

Alternatively.....

In Heaven:
the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:
the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.

i would have actually switched two of the options in the first 'hell' section myself...but funny anyway.