http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

some selections:

• My proper military title is "Specialist Schwarz" not "Princess Anastasia".
• Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesyâ€? to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
• Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my “Samson like powersâ€?.
• Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
• Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
• (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
• Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
• The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
• If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
• Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mintâ€? Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
• The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclipâ€? is not authorized to countermand any orders.
• I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
• Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
• Putting red “Mike and Ike'sâ€? ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
• Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
• “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.